Them: what are you watching Me : Pride and Prejudice Them: Pride and what? Me: Pride and Prejudice Them: I know what pride is, it’s like a term associated with gay people, what’s prejudice ? That’s what the media has done to our younger generation. The first thing they can remember after hearing pride is that! That’s just how over used the term is on the internet !!!
One where you’ve known each other for decades, i don’t see the other often but when we meet its as though we’re picking up the pieces from yesterday.
Then there’s the one where I’ve been friends for ages and ages and ages, and they’ll often share their share of the worlds load. Sometimes you share things but keep the important ones to yourself because you know the judgement they will pass or the lack of interest they will show. Why bother be vulnerable. Maybe we were good friends at one point but so much life has happened and we’ve changed into different people from the ones as teenagers.
The friendships that start at University. You’ll have each other’s backs when it comes to work. You don’t meet often or talk often but you have that sense of obligation towards them.
There’s the ones where it’s not about fun or jokes or everyday life. But a bond that’s totally invisible. You know you’ll find them when you’re in trouble even if you haven’t spoken in forever. This is a strange bond, it’s not about each persons selfish needs to have their friend be there when they need but a happy one where you rarely say hi hello and catch up but that sense of support is always there.
My favourite : the online ( initially ) friends! These are a special breed. I often wondered why I make stronger friendships with such people. Well I recently figured it out. It’s because you get to choose who to associate and not associate with online. We do that in real life but online the selection process intensified 10 times more probably because of the lack of knowing what’s on the other side.
The crazy think about online friends is that I often find them to be ( if I’m allowed to say this) better than real life friends. there somehow more understanding and more a sense of being there for the other person even if it is only in the virtual form. You’ll say it’s virtual so is easier to commit. But truth is if that were the case real life friends would show up in the virtual form, sadly not always true.
So I really do have the best online friends ( really, maybe it’s coz I’m an introvert ) I’ve really made incredible friends online, one who lives on the other side of the worlds and one I have yet to meet(among a few more, all wonderful in their own ways). It’s a funny story. One fine morning after knowing me for 3.5 years she messages “****** I think we should meet! Let’s plan a trip to London and meet the other common online friends we made , you fly and live at your brother’s and I’ll live at *****’s ( this is also a common online friend) house “ . My reaction “ are you crazy”. Who knew I was crazy enough to follow up on her plan and as fate would have it we meet both flying to a midpoint. Never had I ever believed I’d meet her. The same lady who called me her other daughter ( yeah she’s a lot older than me , so what ? Nothing matters if you’re friends , and yeah I address her as my aunt !) The same lady who gave me a piece of advice when I needed it most “You can’t take care of others unless you take care of yourself “ Absolutely insane when I think back.
I still have one to meet. The best of them all!. A bestie and a sister from another mother. The craziest, kindest, bravest person I know. Had it not been for Covid 19 probably would have meet on a holiday in the Philippines. But that’s just another series of insanely fantastic events I hope to experience some time soon in sha Allah.
Online friends are probably easier to be friends with because at the early stages they are strangers and there is always a lesser dose of judgement than with real life people. It makes speaking your mind easier.
Life really is a series of unexpected events. There’s never knowing what you’ll encounter. I may be an introvert to the extreme but my friends make me an ambivert. And I don’t know what I’d do had I not found the online friends that I have. A blessing from something that’s almost nonexistent ( the internet )!
And at the end there’s the friendship that’s a combination of the ones mentioned above.
“ A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” Walter Winchell.
So it’s the end of the week and I’m just happy to be home, specially considering I’d finished a few major errands. It’s after dinner and like any day’s routine my mum sits in front of the television watching random things without focusing.
I figured it’s been a while since I’ve actually watched any telly so I sit at a seat in front of mum flipping through the channels aimlessly. *flip x10* Finally decide to stop at CNN, because who doesn’t want more Covid news and stats to scare them right? Mum didn’t have her glasses on so couldn’t see at 100% accuracy. The show had the anchor talking about all the covid case numbers on his big screen. You could see the person in full so his face wasn’t so apparent, a well dressed man who’s fluffy silver hair was quite obvious even to someone with a little blurry vision. Next thing I notice is mum asking “ is that the kutta ( DOG)?!!”
Ok so it’s that time of the year AGAIN… where the cynic attempts at being an “optimist ”
Moving on,regardless of what life throws at us, it’s our mindset that can make things seem worse than it actually is. It takes a great deal of effort to culture oneself to “not react “ to every situation. 😱 A longer reaction time or “no reaction” can often neutralise a situation and sometimes give others something to think about. At the end of the day we learn from what’s around us, so caution as to what we put out there. And of-course the tables turn sooner or later thus a greater reason to be weary of what we give coz “you might be a big fish in a little pond but along may come another one “( in the words of COLDPLAY😍)
A wise man once said “even mute people have enemies” so sometimes it’s good to speak up( ugh confrontation 🥺😖)
I chose to end the year on a high regardless of how 2019 went. Meet a few lovely people (thanks for putting my faith back in humanity 😑) the company we keep around definitely make a difference so … it’s time to cut people off 😬(kidding ! Maybe I’m not kidding 😐)
Take nothing for granted for it can all be taken away… be it health,wealth, people and all the tiny little details to life we overlook.
I’ll end my “essay” with one of my favourite quote:
“Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.” — J.M. Barrie
One of the greatest things to learn in life is to not let things get to you, to the point it makes you lose a part of yourself . Be it the loss of loved ones or separation or anger or hatred towards others. ( even though I’ve been fortunate not to have experienced death of someone sooo close; I can understand why people loose a piece of themselves at the demise of a loved one specially a child)
Controlling oneself is like an art form that needs mastering. But in a world full of like buttons and heart buttons and what not it’s probably harder to master “I don’t care for ur opinion” . But then again 50 yrs ago there were no thumbs up buttons and they still cared what people thought, even more than now I’d say .
Maybe it’s a just “being a human problem”.
All the problems we have with anger and heart aches associated with other ppls behaviours comes from giving them the permission to alter a piece of our existence.
Mufti Ismail Menk would often say if someone swore at him doesn’t mean he has to swear back.
Well because your someone’s comment doesn’t change who I am. We’re taugh that as kids actually . But how often do we really understand the gravity of what we were told. It’s learning to refuse words and actions have power over us. Besides by swearing back we’d only look like fools who lack depth. Speaking up isn’t always the best thing even though most circumstances require it.
It probably gets easier to ignore it as we get older as we’re more at peace with ourselves.
I once read a mini story on Instagram about a wife who’s husband cheats and long story short she cried off a day and the next day she picks herself up and moves on with life and the husband days later is amused as to why she hadn’t shattered. She explained how life is too precious to waste on awful people and events and even though it hurt, wallowing for such people ruins the present and how it would make her bitter and affect he relationship with her kid and in turn make the child resent the father. How it would also affect her relationship with God and not trusting his plans and giving “creation” so much power over her she lost the sense and goodness i. everything else in life. Our existence may be connected to various events and people but it’s not solely reliant on it.
I know it’s easier said than done but it’s something we can all gradually learn to do: Let others affect us less. It won’t happen overnight but it’s possible.
Not everything required a reaction. At a moments of rage it’s hard to not say something to hurt someone. Sometimes the greatest lessons and blessings come fr silence and not speech.
As a Muslim it helps in knowing that this life is temporary and there’s a life after this and where everyone will be weighed for their actions. The “best of judges” will judge on that day. And there will be no injustice. So live this life free enough to not totally lose yourself at the loss of people or materialistic things or at the expense of unacceptable behaviour.
AN ABSENCE OF A REACTION CAN SAVE A CHAIN OF UNPREDICTABLE CONSEQUENCES
This is first and foremost something to remember myself.